Feb 21, 2026
I was scared. Yeah I know that sounds fucking cringy and cliched, but just bear with me for a few paragraphs so that I can explain myself. I recently read a book about Adlerian psychology and it lowkey changed my life, and I felt like I had a moral obligation to share an epiphany I experienced. So here I am, writing an essay to realize the 0.1% chance of someone reading this and changing their lives for the better.
For context, I wasted the last 2 years of my life doing absolutely nothing but doomscrolling. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and panic disorder in my senior year of high school, and since then, although my mental disorders had been cured for the most part, I developed a pretty severe addiction to social media. Like my average screen time in 2025 was probably around 12 hours LOL. Like most addicts and mental health patients around the world, I would have bitter feelings about myself and think, "If only I wasn't diagnosed with this mental disorder and if only I did not have this addiction, I would become a good student and a cracked software engineer in no time." It's the mental health issues that are stopping myself from success, and I would do anything to cure my problems.
BUT was that really the case? What caused the panic attacks? What is forcing me to be unproductive all-day? Upon thorough reflection, I think it was because I was scared of failing to become someone I dreamed of becoming. As long as I continue to have panic attacks, and as long as I stay addicted to useless videos on YouTube, I can go on thinking that I can't be better off because I have panic attacks and because I am an addict. It could keep me away from trying my absolute best and failing miserably. With my mental health issues, I get to live in the possibility that if only my health problems were gone, I could have…
So to wrap things up, that's why I think people are so hesitant to change themselves – they are scared. So acknowledge this fact and say fuck you to all that trauma bullshit.